My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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