I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
