You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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