I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
