I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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