I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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