My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
