Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
