I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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