I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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