She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
