my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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