you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
