i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
