Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
