Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
