i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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