feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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