am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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