You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
