I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
