is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You are a genius and a whore.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
