How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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