I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i already hear my dad disowning me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
