U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
