so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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