You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
