went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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