Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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