doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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