if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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