It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this beer tastes like vomit already
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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