i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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