That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
