and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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