Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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