Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
