I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
