sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
