alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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