I don't think brook has ever known best
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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