I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize