My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
