so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
