Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize