if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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