you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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