I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
