Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
