all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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