Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize