Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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