he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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