Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
