dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize