So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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