I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
