Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
