Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
