new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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