Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
