oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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