when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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