don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
