Umm I'm too high to move.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize