put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
