On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize