like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
