We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
