Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
