Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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