remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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