the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
