Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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