I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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