I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
