So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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