I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
